To You… the country boy I still love,

I had a talk the other week with my best friend… the same best friend you told everything to and then expected her to tell me instead of stepping up and doing it yourself. I read her all of the Skype messages you sent me just so I wouldn’t get anything wrong. I did not want to lie or twist the truth so that is the way I chose to tell her. I was shocked to hear her say that you lied to her. How many other people have you lied to in order to make yourself look better? She told me that you said I just wouldn’t leave you alone. That all you wanted was to be out of the relationship but I was so incredibly clingy you didn’t know how to get rid of me. You said that I kept guilting you into staying and that I kept wanting you back so you kept trying to make it work. How many other people have you told this to and made me look like an idiot and absolutely insane?? YOU were the one who kept calling it off, I would cry and tell you that if you thought it was best I could accept that. Then a few days later you would beg for me back and tell me you were so sorry and that you loved me SO much. Every time you said you were done YOU were the one to come crawling back to ME. Because I loved you I would always take you back. My best friend was so confused as to why you would tell her all that you did if it was a lie. You said you felt like the bad guy for breaking things off and she said she understood. But after talking to me she said “He IS a bad guy.” All of the horrible things you said to me with the purpose behind them to hurt me and break me down. Oh but you never wanted to hurt me. Then why did you tell me you were too good for me? Why did you say you TRIED to love me again but you just couldn’t? Why did you tell me you could do better? Why was it my job to pursue YOU? You said I needed to make an effort to pursue you. Isn’t that the man’s job? I did sweet things for you and did EVERYTHING I could to see you and talk to you. Even if it meant I had to wait up all night until you got home, and sometimes you would say that you were just too tired and I had to deal with that. I had to keep conversations going. I had to ask you questions about you without any chance of you asking back. I honest to goodness was interested in everything you said… but it wears on a person to get one word answers when they are truly trying to interact with another person. Oh but I saw all this coming because OBVIOUSLY you weren’t into it anymore. Then why the HELL didn’t you let me go for good the first time?? My best friend said something that was so true. You like the feeling of getting girls to like you. You can flirt just a little bit in your smooth way and because you are attractive you can get any girl you want. You told me once that there are a ton of girls that like you and what do I have to offer that they don’t. I am sorry… but that is NOT love. When you love someone you aren’t looking at other options. They are your world and nothing could be better than them. Why did I still love you after you cheated on me TWICE? Because I loved you more than anything and you were truly sorry. Was that a mistake? Is every guy gonna be like you? Are they all going to treat me this way? Are they all going to make sure that there isn’t something better out there for them? Are they always going to wish they were with someone else? You unfriended me on Facebook today. How petty and lame could you possibly be? I mean come on. I am not so much hurt by it than I am annoyed and pissed off about it. It is so stupid and it is the THIRD time you have done it to me. Oh and you STILL have not talked to me about all of this. You make me so ANGRY. Now I see why the people around you are so against me. They think I am INSANE. Fine. I will play the part of the insane girl who can’t let go of you, because I love you. You obviously care more about your reputation then you ever did for me. I will always care for you but you have some MAJOR growing up to do. I miss you so much… I just wish things could be the way they were before you started being a jerk.

frustrated but still loving you,

the blue-eyed country girl who is no longer yours

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